It was well planned execution. Every word to be said and the expected responds are so well rehearsed at the back of my head. My heart was racing through my chest, forcing its way out of my body cavity. The idea of meeting the director to tell him that I'm going to quit this internship at the company give me an adrenaline rush to my body. I was fresh and energetic right out of bed, preparing to head down to the office for the last day. I've even went to the extend to plan what I would do that afternoon and brought my new novel along, just in case I got nothing to do, I told myself.
On my ten-minute walk to the office, I kept telling myself and finding reasons to justify my action that I will be executing when I reached the office. I was so convinced that I'm going to succeed and part of me felt proud of myself for having the guts to tell the director that I'm going to quit in his face and rule out the idea to quit via an email or even by phone. Deep inside, I was so proud of my courage and pleased that my sincerity may convince the director my decision. It seems like a new start and beautiful day ahead of me. Little did I know that, I was inching closer to the disaster in disguise, as the time passed. I was so confident and totally obsessed with my plan and believed that it will succeed. The only thing that was on my mind at that time was the phrase " you'll never know if you didn't ask.." and so I decided to do so.
It was like an usual office routine. I went in, greet whoever I saw on my way and settled down at my seat. The only difference that day was I did not plug in the power supply for my laptop. Then I waited for the moment to come...
The director which will be referred as John in the rest of this post, walked in and motioned to me the the other room. I didn't have to tell John that I was going to see him as I already did but he couldn't attend to me the day before. He was holding with a pile of documents with cheque on them while he stopped and waited me to join him to the room.
The idea of quiting was all over my head. Without accessing the mood of John and the situation I was in, not to mention the consequences of it, I told him that I planned to quit his company. In a split of a second, his face changed. I started to smell disaster and dare not even imagine what was going to come. The only thing that I told myself was "Shit, he wouldn't let me go... I am in deep trouble", and I was right.
I got some serious lecture from him which I could say it was one of the worse lecture I had since I started high school, if not the worst. A few highlight about the conversation, John asked me what I really want with his finger pointing at me and eye staring right into me. The whole scenario was like a primary school student sitting in the Headmaster's room alone waiting to be doom. I was finding words to defend myself and reasons to justify my actions. But I lose out eventually. He said and I quote : You don't know what you really want! You wanted to do everything and kept complaining that you have not enough to do when you've not even completed your first task! You have to much proud about yourself and everything is about you. In other words, you are behaving like an asshole..."
Let me clarify, about the first task. FYI, its about compilation of all the business processes of the company. The fact was, I had already send in my report last Thursday and waiting for his reply and feedback in order to move on. I was expecting him to reply my within 48 hours and hopefully I can move on but I was wrong. He haven't even read it as it was not his priority and he made me realize the very important fact that, it was not his job to babysit me.
Secondly, I did add the asshole thing myself. It was totally true. Never ever did I expect someone to call me that. But the truth to be, I deserved it and I brought myself to this. By the time he finished, I had finally broke down. As I myself is an avid weeper for a guy's standard. I couldn't control my emotion and my eyes were filled with tears waiting to rush down my cheek at any moment. He then continued by saying that its ok to make mistake and cry. There is nothing wrong about it and mentioned that this is part and parcel of an internship experience. Its like my eye were out of control and sensing the cue, the tears started to roll down my cheek involuntarily. My mind was clouded with all the emotions and overwhelmed by whatever that i was facing. The stupid mucus started to clogged in my nasal cavity and finding its way out of my nose. Without any tissue paper or the courage to walk away, I resorted to wipe away my tears and mucus first with my fingers and then shirt. It was bloody embarassing and messy moment for me. I was thinking what a shame for a 21 year old to weep in front of a business man I met few weeks back in a foreign country. Argh!!!
Anyway, he started to shared his experience with me, from the time he had his greuling internship and how he started the company. He also labeled me as a typical Singapore grad " arrogant, energetic, wanted to do it all and impatient" which I refused to rebute but quietly accept. No offense to any Singaporean or the country. He mentioned how he was like me when he was young and no one telling me off like he did to me and so on. He later shared something called the attitude and capabilities. The attitude is what got us to pursue what we do and succeed whereas capabilities are the skills and knowledge that we had which will be obsolete in no time. The largest thing that I should learn, as John pointed out, is to be patient and self discipline, which I secretly admit.
Besides that, he also underline the way things are done in Philippines and Asia and how the Americans had stuggle to adapt and how he dislike dealing with Singaporean business man as they always thought they are above all. Through out the whole process, I hardly speak out as I was so choked up with whatever it is in my nose and mouth.
He then recommended me to read the famous book from Sun Tzu - The Art of War. I was dumbfounded that he recommended me a chinese book that I've yet to read. Part of me are impressed by the recommendation and the rest of me felt a shame of myself as Chinese but haven't read the most profound and philosophical book about strategy.
The whole meeting lasted for more than an hour and ended with new tasks lining up for me. I didn't hold any grudges against him or whatsoever. In fact, I felt pleased that someone had pointed those things out to me when I needed it the most. Perhaps this what people called the life changing experience through an overseas internship. The only difference is I got it through a different form. Peace!
This morning, John sat down with me again before leaving for a business trip. He was discussing some strategic stuffs about the company and request me find him information and do an analyst on the market to help him map out the company's 5 year plan. Sounds pretty cool. Then the bomb came, he said the report that I sent last week, was 80% completed. I was telling myself, what the heck, then why did you said I haven't complete anything.. Argh...
Anyway, I felt relished with my new role and embracing it with a open heart. For this new task, it is going to be very challenging as I have to literally start from scratch with limited resources. Sounds cool huh ?
Ps. I've also received an email from Grace sharing the similar sentiment on internship as John did. The only difference was Grace email was subtle and motivating... Thanks a lot, Grace!
